Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
