His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
