He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
