It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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