the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
