I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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