so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm getting married
To pizza
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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