I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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