I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you had me at cake vodka
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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