i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
