The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
