i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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