I could have mohawked her pubes.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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