Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
