i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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