one two three fourrrrnication!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
