i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This is classic penis vs brain.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
