with your own penis?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
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I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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