What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
