The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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