if i can run in heels then i can drive
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize