I'm gonna have a badass scar
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
