whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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