last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
