I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
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It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
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I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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