Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
