were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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