Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
