If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
