When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
