are you still at the devil's house?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
