WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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