you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
