i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Is it penis luge time yet?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
