We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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