remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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