Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
