it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
