How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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