I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?