I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...