I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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