she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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