im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
