Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
