After last night, I could never be a politician.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
