Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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