Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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