Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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