I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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