You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
