I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
