my soul wont recognize me after tonight
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
