Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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