Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
