Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you win again, gameday.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
