I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
