hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Who died my cat blue again?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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