The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
