I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
