Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
