I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
