you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
