I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
