Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
