I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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