it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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