we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
