Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize