yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize
