My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
