Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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