The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
