And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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