I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
