New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
