my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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