No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
And then he peed in my hair
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